Have you ever been caught with your hand in the proverbial cookie jar? Maybe it wasn’t an intentional act, you lost track of time and didn’t complete an assignment or circumstances were such that before you recognized what was happening a mistake had been made.
How do you react? What if telling the truth meant you would lose your job?
Hopefully it is rare that you have found yourself in a situation where honesty could cost you your job, but I’d be willing to bet that you have found yourself in situations where telling the truth is difficult. The social pressure and desires to not embarrass ourselves (ego) tempt us to fudge the truth a little.
Of course you are not alone. Little kids begin to lie or use deception as young as 6 months old. Maybe you have experienced the pretended laugh or cry to get attention or a result. In a 2002 study by Dr. Robert Feldman, University of Massachusetts) he found that on average people told 2-3 lies in a 10 minute conversation and 60% of people cannot have a 10 minute conversation without lying once. In a separate study research found that only 18%-25% of lies are ever discovered. That means a lot of people are getting away with a lot of untruths. (source of above statistics).
Most of the deceptions we experience, and participate in, are small and generally minimally consequential in the long term, but those are still some pretty scary statistics. So what can we do to be a stand up person even when it is hard? Here are 10 suggestions for overcoming the temptation to lie.
1- Determine that you will be intentional in your avoidance of deceit. The first and most important step is to decide that you will be honest; a firm resolve and commitment to the truth. Draw that line in the sand. If you make the decision ahead of time you will be prepared to respond when opportunities arise.
2- Think about honesty in your quiet time or meditation. You become what you think about. If you put into your mind that you are a truthful person and view yourself in that frame you will act accordingly. Reinforce your commitment. Do not spend time looking for excuses or fashioning deflections, spend time reinforcing your honesty.
3- Recognize your limitations. Knowing your abilities and what you can accomplish, in terms of time and ability, will help you to always deliver on your promises and will reduce the temptation to skirt the truth later.
4- Admit mistakes. We all make mistakes and sometimes exaggerate or fail to be completely honest. When you recognize that you are not being as honest as your expect yourself to be, apologize and admit mistake. It might take a little notch off your ego but will garner you the reputation of integrity – the trait most employers and business partners rate as the most important quality in an employee. Own up to your shortcomings and avoid blaming others.
5- Know what tempts you to compromise integrity. As an alcoholic avoids bars, so should you avoid situations where you are more prone to compromise your integrity. This relates to #3 above, if you know your limits there is less cause to hide shortcomings.
6- Build relationships. the closer you are to the people you work and interact with, the more comfortable you will get with being truthful. If you have a relationship built on shared trust and integrity you will be confident in sharing the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Have respect for the people you interact with.
7- Ask for help. if you feel that you are really struggling with honesty you may need to enlist the support of a mentor or trusted colleague. Someone you can confide in and work through the process of identifying when you are not being truthful and how you can change.
8- Recognize the consequences of dishonesty. Even though most dishonesty is never discovered there are still consequences. Recognizing the possible, potential and likely results of deception will help you to avoid venturing in that direction.
9- Be persistent. The path to being fully honest may be a journey for you. It may even be a long journey. Take it one step at a time and keep moving forward. If you stumble, recognize your mistake, admit it (see #4) and move on. You are not alone but we need you to be a leader for change.
10- Think before you speak. this goes for dirty jokes, inappropriate language and gossip too. If our natural tendency is to exaggerate, blame, deflect or skirt the truth then stop….think….and retry with the truth.
Honesty, as we all know, is the best policy….though not always the easiest. I continuously work on genuine integrity in all my interactions and follow the above 10 suggestions in my own life. I know my weaknesses and try to have the confidence to accept responsibility. Integrity is the trait that makes the difference in success, confidence, friendships and reaching our potential. How honest are you? By the way…..you look great in those jeans.