Here on Family Before Fortune I cover a lot of topics ranging from starting a business or a side endeavor to which Weber grill accessories to use. The central theme is to build a life worth living, a home you are excited to return to at the end of the day and a work-life that is fulfilling and exciting. It is not based around how many zeros are at the end of your paycheck or how many square feet your house is.

Though I do think money is important.

I enjoy the things that money can provide for me, including good schools for my kids, recreation and travel. I also enjoy, and in many many ways, prefer the things that money cannot buy, the dinner table chats, the daddy-daughter/son dates, the experience of the park or ballgame.

These are the values of a Family Before Fortune life.

Money is a tool and a resource to make family time more accessible but isn’t an end in itself. Have you ever heard a deathbed confessional exclaim they wished they spent more time in the office or closed one more big deal? No, often you hear, with regret, they wished they had valued the time when their kids were young and in the home.

I have three kids that are pretty young. My oldest is 9 and my youngest 3. They are growing and changing on a daily basis. My goal is to be home as many nights as I can to enjoy dinner with them. It doesn’t always happen but often does. Even with that nightly experience, I still look at them and say “when did you…[fill in most recent previously unnoticed change]”. It really is an exciting time in their lives and mine.

I know the day is coming fast when they will all be off with their own families and not have time for their “old man”. And that is ok. I went through that stage and now have my own family and I am sure that my parents wish they had a few extra minutes to talk and visit with me. I have a lot of years left to focus on my business and growing my income and assets but I do not have a lot of time left to grow with my kids.

So what are some of the things that I am doing to put my family first?

1-      Hanging my work stresses on a hook– When I arrive home from the office and my head is filled with concerns and anxiety over the day and upcoming demands, the first thing I do is take those anxieties and hang them on an invisible hook just outside my front door. I imagine myself holding all those anxieties in my hand and then leaving them outside. I have important family decisions and interactions and I need my full attention on my family, not my work issues.

2-      Cell phones banned– we have a rule in the home that cell phones are banned at the dinner table. Now this is somewhat easy as my kids are still young and phones haven’t become “a thing” but it can be challenging for us parents as we are drawn to each little ping. Cell phones are a huge part of our lives and if we are not careful they can overrun and squeeze out the special moments with the family.

3-      Night for family– we try to set aside 1 night during the week that we can do something as a family. Whether it be board games (super fun with a 3 year old), drop by Yogurtland, have the kids show off a new dance routine, gymnastics demonstration or a play they have written (adapted from the most current Disney movie), all of which they love to do. We bounce around on day of the week because we, like you, have a busy family and seem to be going in 50 directions at all times.

4-      Daddy Date Night– a mentor of mine, ever since his daughter was very young, took her out one night during the year, just the two of them, to do whatever she wanted (within reason). As he was explaining this he casually mentioned that he was flying to Shanghai in a few days to visit with his daughter (who was in graduate school abroad) and take her on her annual daddy-daughter date. He would be in Shanghai a total of 1 night and then back. I was impressed by his commitment to his daughter and the special night they had enjoyed together for over 25 years. I have committed to taking each of my kids out annually on their special night. I do one in May, one in July and one in September. I have enjoyed these experiences so much and the kids talk about them for the rest of the year.

5-      Popcorn and a Movie/limit television– this is something that has really worked for my family but may not be for everyone, give it a try. A few years back we cancelled our television subscriptions and have never hooked up the antennae. What this means is we have zero live tv. I know… it sounded insane to me too. We have no prime time, no news and (the horror) no sports. We do have a television and we subscribe to Netflix so the kids can get their dose of cartoons but it made us more intentional in what we watch. We cannot just flip the tv on and have it stream show after show after show. And we do not have to worry about the materialism influence and other “non-kid friendly” advertising. We have become parents that select a show or a movie, pop popcorn and sit down knowing what we are exposing the family to. We have no desire to ever return to the standard cable package.

As an aside- I love sports and initially this was the biggest drawback to our decision, but what I have found is that many of the “big games” stream online, like the Masters, March Madness and college football. Some are just not accessible so I enjoy the game at a local pizza dive. In the 4 years we have been “unplugged” I have not missed it AT ALL. I am currently listening to my favorite college football team via radio….retro right? Go Cougs.

6-      Steal a few moments together– every chance that I get I sneak a few minutes with my kids. Since birth, my wife and I have read to/with each of them individually for around 30 minutes a night. With 3 kids it can be a long bed time process but they love it and so do we. The experience is precious explaining why a character is doing this or asking the kids their interpretation of the plot (sometimes their interpretation is better than mine).

I also try to take 1 or all of the kids with me whenever I have to run an errand. Yes they complain initially and it can double the errand time hauling young ones around but we have fun, laugh, tell stories, hold hands and then eventually end up at 7-11 buying Slurpies (yes I’m the treat dad). We also have our nightly ritual of picking up the clothes and toys before bed. We go as a family room-to-room and try to put everything away. This gives my wife peace of mind and all of us a final chance to work together each day.

Of course we do a lot of other things (like ride our bikes to the donut shop on Saturdays and go out occasionally to dinner) and yes it does take a commitment of time but it has been so valuable. Last night I said to my 6 year old “you know I love you right” and she said “yes dad you tell me all the time”. I do not want them to ever grow up- but they are and they will. I am just grateful for the time we have together now.

Question: What family experiences or traditions do you have? Leave your comments below or by clicking here.

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by Logan K. Daniels

Towards the end of my second year of law school, my wife said she couldn’t wait for me to be done with school so she could “stop being a law school widow.” That was after a full day of school, one of two part time jobs, and before an evening full of homework. A scenario I’m sure a lot of working-student parents have. At first I laughed at her remark, and then I realized she was right.

We now have a 21-month old and are expecting an addition, 2 weeks before the bar. With that setting the stage, I refer to the advice Donald Sutherland gave to Mark Wahlberg in the 2003 film, The Italian Job, “Charlie, there are two kinds of thieves in this world: The ones who steal to enrich their lives, and those who steal to define their lives. Don’t be the latter. Makes you miss out on what’s really important in this life.” In a way, he is right; in life there are two kinds of people, those that work to enrich their lives and those that work to define their lives. Don’t be the latter.

In another Hollywood example, the 2008 film Flash of Genius, a story based on the true events of the man who invented the intermittent windshield wiper. He tried for years, with little success, to have the major car manufacturers embrace his design. Eventually, Ford and Chrysler would adopt his design by infringing on his patent and giving him no credit. A 14-year court battle ensued consuming all his time and draining him financially. He did finally win the case and received in excess of $28 Million, but what did he give up?

Looking at the balance sheet of the inventor’s life, sure he had Millions, but his family was broken, and for 14 years he spent his every resource on his court battle. He lost 14 years of life and experience with his 6 kids and lost his wife in a divorce. Sure he won a major case and became the subject of a popular Hollywood film but today, 6 years after the film’s release, can you name the inventor?

Robert Kearns.

I’m not here to criticize Mr. Kearns or say he made a wrong choice. Knowing what it took, I hope to never make the same decision. I know what I want out of life, and a “widow and orphans” in exchange for a career is not one of them. Sure, we need to work to be able to support ourselves, and there is nothing wrong with being comfortable, but at what cost?

We must decide, before responsibilities build, how we will manage them. Work hard, fight the good fight, serve others, and then have fun. The things that make you a great, well-rounded person will make you a great lawyer, doctor, banker, parent, student, or any career you accept.

Is this over simplified? Maybe. Will I break my own advice? Probably. But that’s why I have my wife, family and friends to point me down the right track. However my life shakes out, I want to leave a legacy that matters. That may involve achieving some career aspirations, but ultimately I will be remembered for the person I am, not the work I do.

Question: Do you agree that work can either enrich or define your life? What does that mean to you? Leave your comments below or by clicking here.

Family Before Fortune would like to thank our first guest blogger, Logan Daniels. Logan is a recent graduate of the University of Utah School of Law and producer of KSL NewsRadio’s Nightside Project. You can connect with him on twitter @LoganDaniels.