Category Archives: Confidence

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Do These Jeans Make Me Look Fat & Other Lies We Tell

How do you be a stand up person, even (2)

Have you ever been caught with your hand in the proverbial cookie jar? Maybe it wasn’t an intentional act, you lost track of time and didn’t complete an assignment or circumstances were such that before you recognized what was happening a mistake had been made.

How do you react? What if telling the truth meant you would lose your job?

Hopefully it is rare that you have found yourself in a situation where honesty could cost you your job, but I’d be willing to bet that you have found yourself in situations where telling the truth is difficult. The social pressure and desires to not embarrass ourselves (ego) tempt us to fudge the truth a little.

Of course you are not alone. Little kids begin to lie or use deception as young as 6 months old. Maybe you have experienced the pretended laugh or cry to get attention or a result. In a 2002 study by Dr. Robert Feldman, University of Massachusetts) he found that on average people told 2-3 lies in a 10 minute conversation and 60% of people cannot have a 10 minute conversation without lying once. In a separate study research found that only 18%-25% of lies are ever discovered. That means a lot of people are getting away with a lot of untruths. (source of above statistics).

Most of the deceptions we experience, and participate in, are small and generally minimally consequential in the long term, but those are still some pretty scary statistics. So what can we do to be a stand up person even when it is hard? Here are 10 suggestions for overcoming the temptation to lie.
1- Determine that you will be intentional in your avoidance of deceit. The first and most important step is to decide that you will be honest; a firm resolve and commitment to the truth. Draw that line in the sand. If you make the decision ahead of time you will be prepared to respond when opportunities arise.

2- Think about honesty in your quiet time or meditation. You become what you think about. If you put into your mind that you are a truthful person and view yourself in that frame you will act accordingly. Reinforce your commitment. Do not spend time looking for excuses or fashioning deflections, spend time reinforcing your honesty.

3- Recognize your limitations. Knowing your abilities and what you can accomplish, in terms of time and ability, will help you to always deliver on your promises and will reduce the temptation to skirt the truth later.

4- Admit mistakes. We all make mistakes and sometimes exaggerate or fail to be completely honest. When you recognize that you are not being as honest as your expect yourself to be, apologize and admit mistake. It might take a little notch off your ego but will garner you the reputation of integrity – the trait most employers and business partners rate as the most important quality in an employee. Own up to your shortcomings and avoid blaming others.

5- Know what tempts you to compromise integrity. As an alcoholic avoids bars, so should you avoid situations where you are more prone to compromise your integrity. This relates to #3 above, if you know your limits there is less cause to hide shortcomings.

TRUST process, business concept

6- Build relationships. the closer you are to the people you work and interact with, the more comfortable you will get with being truthful. If you have a relationship built on shared trust and integrity you will be confident in sharing the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Have respect for the people you interact with.

7- Ask for help. if you feel that you are really struggling with honesty you may need to enlist the support of a mentor or trusted colleague. Someone you can confide in and work through the process of identifying when you are not being truthful and how you can change.

8- Recognize the consequences of dishonesty. Even though most dishonesty is never discovered there are still consequences. Recognizing the possible, potential and likely results of deception will help you to avoid venturing in that direction.

9- Be persistent. The path to being fully honest may be a journey for you. It may even be a long journey. Take it one step at a time and keep moving forward. If you stumble, recognize your mistake, admit it (see #4) and move on. You are not alone but we need you to be a leader for change.

10- Think before you speak. this goes for dirty jokes, inappropriate language and gossip too. If our natural tendency is to exaggerate, blame, deflect or skirt the truth then stop….think….and retry with the truth.

Honesty, as we all know, is the best policy….though not always the easiest. I continuously work on genuine integrity in all my interactions and follow the above 10 suggestions in my own life. I know my weaknesses and try to have the confidence to accept responsibility. Integrity is the trait that makes the difference in success, confidence, friendships and reaching our potential. How honest are you? By the way…..you look great in those jeans.

Free Integrity Poster

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There is Never a Traffic Jam on the Extra Mile

 Quote #11B

There is never a traffic jam on the extra mile – Roger Staubach
an excerpt from my free eBook – 13 Life Quotes- Inspirational Life Lessons w/ a Bonus

 

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Did you know that the act of just “doing” puts you in the top 1% of online business owners? Ideas are common; execution on those ideas is rare. Have you ever started a project, gotten really excited about it and then after a few days lost interest? Of course you have, we all have. Gyms are filled with people the first two weeks of January that won’t be back week three. There are millions of half written books, probably even some really good ones, sitting on the hard drives of people who got excited, started and then lost excitement and quit. Persevering until completion and getting over the mid-goal hump is important. So is going the extra mile.

The extra mile is not just good customer service, like at Nordstrom’s, but refers to everything we do. My close friend in real estate spends 2-3 hours every morning cold calling expired listings and for sale by owner properties. The work is tough and many recipients are rude but the effort has paid off. He has a number of new clients and the experience is building his character and determination. There are very few people willing to do that next step, to wake up a little earlier, come home a little later or turn off the television and put down the social distractions. Few are willing to make the effort necessary to be successful. To break out of the crowd you just need to be willing to take that extra step and go that extra mile. Because. there is never a traffic jam on the extra mile (and never will be)

 

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22 Things You Didn’t Know About Me & Likely Wouldn’t Expect

I love podcasts…that’s not a confession, just an opening… and you likely already knew that. This week I was listening to one of my favorite podcasters, Pat Flynn, and he commented that he used to see a lot of people who would every so often throw out a fun lighthearted blogpost – something like “22 Things You Didn’t Know and Expect About Me”. He continued that he hadn’t seen many of those recently. I thought it would be fun to try. And it was….but it was also pretty hard to come up with 22 things. I feel like I’m a pretty open book and most people who have listened to my podcast or get my email updates already know a lot about me. Plus I share quite a bit on my About Me page. I hope you enjoy this little peek behind the curtain and getting to know me a tiny bit better as I share the 22 things you didn’t know and wouldn’t expect about me:

Family Hike

  1. I am terrible at first person video games. Pretty much any video game where I have to compete head to head with another human I get destroyed. I used to be pretty good at 1 player games like Super Mario Brothers but competition games like NHL 2007 (which I still have and every once in a while play) I need to set the computer skill level to “rookie”
  2. I listen to all different kinds of music and it is hard for me to choose just 1 specific genre. I mostly consume audiobooks and podcasts. I listen at 2x speed because I have so many that I am dying to get through. I typically can’t “not finish” a book. Once I start I feel compelled to finish regardless of how uninspiring it is. When I do listen to music its mostly random Pandora.
  3. On my About Me page I share that my favorite movie is Big Fish. But, I don’t share that very close behind at favorites #2 and #3 are Christopher Nolan movies (The Dark Knight and Inception)
  4. I hate to shop. I guess that’s not too surprising. When we went to New York City my wife wanted to check out Macy’s and a gaggle of fabric stores in SoHo. I hated it. But I do like to eat. The part I loved about New York City was all the different places we could eat, the different styles, cultures and most importantly the eating atmosphere.
  5. I was fired from the midnight – 6am shift at a local radio station- When I was a freshman in college I got my dream job. I was the weekend DJ for a local radio station. The job was a dream but the music I had to play was rough- elevator music- Lady in Red stuff. One weekend I went to school all day Friday, worked that evening at my 2nd job, worked the midnight to 6 shift at the station, went back to job #2 at 7am Saturday morning and put in 12 hours, went to get a bite with some friends, headed back to the station midnight-6, back to job #2 at 7am Sunday and another 12 hours. Monday was a holiday which meant I had the midnight to 6am Monday morning too (usually I only worked Sat. morning, Sun. Morning shifts). Well- when I got home Sunday night from job #2 I laid down to get a couple hours rest and when I woke up Monday morning at 9am I knew I was in trouble. Yikes- not pretty. But it was the last time that I missed a day (or night as it were) of work.
  6. When I was 6 years old my mom made a homemade cabbage patch doll for my little sister. I asked if I could have one too. So at 6 years old I had my very own homemade cabbage patch doll that I named after my favorite college football quarterback.
  7. My most favorite vacation spot- As you know I love to relax and lounge. So it may come as no surprise that my favorite vacation would have a fair amount of lounging. But I am also an adventure junkie and love to be active. So my favorite vacation is to rent a house boat and spend a week in the sun fishing, wakeboarding, barbequing and sitting around.
  8. I almost made it to the top of the Grand Teton in Jackson Hole WY. It was always a dream of mine to climb to the top of the Grand. My wife has done it and I hadn’t. Motivation! We spent a couple days back in 2005 trying to get to the top but had to turn back when the lightning got so bad my trekking poles started to buzz with electricity. It was cold and rainy but we almost made it….some day!
  9. So you know I love to eat and eat out. My favorite restaurant is a little hole in the wall called Italian Village. They serve the best calzone… pepperoni, ham and Canadian bacon… yes please!
  10. I got stitches in a foreign country with a fishing hook and fishing line (and I have the scar to prove it) – A friend of mine and I were scuba diving in the Philippines back in 2001 and I crashed a motorcycle on the small island of Buswanga. I needed stitches in my arm and in my leg but the hotel owner warned us about the sanitary condition of the small clinic. So, she recommended a retired doctor living up the street and we enlisted his help. No pain killers involved- just bite down on this towel…. Great story though.
  11. My oldest child is named Averi- I love her name and she is a great kid (biased parent warning). We got her name from a freeway exit in Mission Viejo, CA. While my wife and I were in school (in San Diego) we often drove up to the Bay Area to visit her parents. Each time we did we had to pass Avery Parkway and we just loved the name. We had never gotten off at the exit or knew anything about it but the name stuck and became my daughter’s. When Averi was 2 I was on a business trip in Southern California and pulled off the road at Avery Parkway to call my wife- just to say I had done it.IMG_1428
  12. I have always had an entrepreneurial mindset and in 2008 I formed Outdoor Princess LLC to create and sell outdoor recreation products for girls age 5-15 (I have 2 daughters in that age bracket). While we don’t currently do anything with Outdoor Princess I have dreams of letting my girls cut their entrepreneurial teeth with it. We will see- should be fun.
  13. I am not spontaneous. I am analytical. I have a really hard time when friends call and say “hey we’re headed {golfing, surfing, movie…] you coming?” I need to plan and prepare. I need to analyze and stew. I need at least 24 hours before I can do anything “spur of the moment”.
  14. When I was in high school my favorite band was The Doors. I owned every album, like 17, and read every book I could get my hands on. I still like the Doors and listen occasionally but the obsession has passed. I did see Robby Kreiger live once which was pretty cool. My favorite song was The Soft Parade from the album with the same name.
  15. My first crush was the princess on the Neverending Story. I can’t even remember her name and I am not sure if she was in anything else. It was 1984, I was 6.
  16. My all-time favorite book changes often. Depending on what I am reading and what cycle my life and passions are in. Currently my favorite nonfiction is Smartcuts and my favorite fiction is Atlas Shrugged.
  17. When I was 18 I made the travel hockey team in my home town. I was a lightweight and the coach told me he would put me in the game when I gained 10 pounds. I was so naïve about health that I spent a month drinking Coke and eating Sour Patch Kids thinking that would do the trick. I lost weight.
  18. I cannot fall asleep in a movie. Something about the colors or sounds keeps me awake no matter how tired I am and how terrible the movie is.
  19. My favorite dessert is Starburst Jelly Beans. I don’t really like cake or brownies and I can’t stand chocolate (weird huh?) but I love chewy, fruity candy. I cannot go camping without bringing a bag of jelly beans. I pour them directly into my pocket and eat until the bags gone. Plus I don’t have to share.
  20. When I graduated from high school my dream was to move to New York and work as a venture capitalist or investment banker. So glad that didn’t work out.
  21. I love to mow the lawn and work in my yard. When we lived in Arizona we had a big yard with a lot to work on and I loved it. Here in San Jose the yard is small with not as much to do. Someday we will have a big yard again.
  22. And Finally, I hate parking lots. Is there a medical term for that? The more crowded the worse I get. I often park way out in the distance and walk in just so I don’t have to deal with the stress and chaos of parking. My wife thinks I am weird, and I am a little, but that is one thing I just hate.

Well there you have it, 22 things that you likely didn’t know about me. Pat was right, this was fun to do. I hope that you enjoy it. If you did leave a comment below or jump over and send me a message on Twitter. It is always great to connect. Have a great week and see you on Thursday (in the podcast)

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