I checked the knot, adjusted my helmet and leaned backward over the 180-foot cliff I was supposed to be rappelling down. The wind whipped through my helmet and made a whistling sound. I leaned back a little bit more and then… froze. I couldn’t do it. I was just too scared. Of what? I can’t even remember. I was 14 years old and this was my very first rappelling adventure.

This past week my 10-year-old daughter asked me what I was afraid of. She added I probably wasn’t afraid of anything. (Such a brave daddy) And it got me thinking, what am I afraid? It’s no longer heights and I love public speaking, I don’t even fear death. So, what am I afraid of?

I have come to the conclusion that there are only 3 things that I truly fear in life. Are they rational fears? Maybe, maybe not.

Fear of Success– I spend a lot of time working towards what I define as “success”. I have spent a lifetime studying motivation, sales and business skills. And yet the unknown of success causes many people, including myself to hesitate when faced with an opportunity.

As the Marianne Williamson quote, made famous by Nelson Mandela, states “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?”

But her answer gives us hope “Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine…”

Fear of not Succeeding– Similar to the fear above, the fear of not succeeding creates inaction. Sometimes called the fear of failure, embarrassment or humiliation, the desire to avoid looking incompetent or mistaken stops many of us from reaching our full potential. I find it interesting that the dual fears of “success” and “not succeeding” often appear in the same person. The result is that we do not act, we become complacent and we settle. I am not sure which fear is more harmful.
Fear of Imagined Pain & Suffering– I have been hurt more times than I could probably count. I have broken ankles and wrists, been stitched head to toe, sat through MRIs, CAT Scans and surgery. I’ve been doctored in some of the nicest facilities in the world and received care in the backyard of a local 3^rd world resident. And yet I have always recovered.

The pain has subsided and my life has gone on. Mostly the memories have faded into great stories to tell at cocktail parties. Nothing in my past has given reality to my imagined fear of pain and suffering and yet I still hesitate before leaping out of airplanes. Maybe it is more sanity than fear? Often many of us are paralyzed by imagined fears. It may not always be pain or suffering, it could be embarrassment or loss.

So, what can we do? Knowing that I suffer from these fears and likely you do too, I thought I would share a few ways (well….11) that we can overcome fears and keep moving in the direction of success- to reach our potential and realize our dreams.

Recognize the fear– once you accept that everyone faces uncertainty and “fear” you can begin to strengthen your resolve. Those who have succeeded before you have faced similar challenges, maybe greater challenges than your own.
Friends– you cannot do it alone- No one reached the top of Everest by himself, it takes a team, a support network, mentors, and education. Surround yourself with people who can lift you up and give you the skills you need to progress.
Kill the negative– If you are like me, most of your fear comes from that crazy little voice in your head. I am much more critical of myself than others are of me. Stop the negative self-talk and replace it with positive. Whether you think you can or think you can’t you are generally right (thanks Zig Ziglar)
Visualize the outcome– Many of our fears are the unknown and perceptions of false reality. Take a deep breathe, relax and visualize the outcome. When things go bad they usually aren’t as bad as you thought, when it’s good it’s usually better than you thought. Fill that half glass full.
Take control– recognize that the outcome is often in your control. You may not be able to control every aspect, but largely the end result can be affected positively in your favor. Take control and persevere.
Be bold– a very successful podcaster friend counseled that “fortune favors the bold” (thanks John Lee Dumas)
Celebrate success– even if you fear success, celebrate it. Positively reinforce your success, make it common… make it subconscious.
Be curious– Always be looking for new ways to approach a situation or problem. What makes you nervous about one solution may make you confident in another. If you fear public speaking but want to verbally share your message, try a podcast (or you can listen to mine)
Enjoy the ride– Life is short and sweet. We have little blessings that pass through our days to give us joy, lift us up and remind us to breathe. This crazy ride called life can produce more excitement and adrenaline than scuba diving with sharks or peering into a live volcano (trust me).
What is the worst thing that could happen? Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn… either way you come out ahead. Oh, and remember that bones heal while glory lasts eternally.
Start small and grow– the first time I spoke in public it wasn’t in front of 300 guests. Baby steps to success.

Since that first rock-climbing adventure at 14 years old, I have been up and down hundreds of rock faces. I have fallen and recovered and learned to absolutely love the sport. I even proposed to my wife during a climbing adventure. The fear that paralyzed me so many years ago is gone, replaced with other fears and obstacles. But, like the fear of heights, as I continue down my road to success I will triumph and succeed and love every minute of it.

Question: What is holding you back from reaching your potential? Leave your comments below or by clicking here.

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Posted on Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Diversity Can Make You Smarter

The concept of diversity has been a hot topic recently in the media. In this past month alone we have seen discussions (debates? arguments?) about immigration, gender equality and a ruling from the high court on gay marriage.

Even Coca-Cola is getting involved using its reputation to combat prejudice. In the Middle East, during Ramadan, Coke is removing its name from their cans leaving only the silver stripe and the words, “Labels are for cans not people”.

There are a lot of reasons to support diversity on the grounds of treating everyone fairly, everyone having intrinsic value, brotherly kindness and love. But, could there be other, more practical reasons to value diversity?

Five years ago our family moved from Gilbert, AZ, a town just outside of Phoenix of about 200,000, to San Jose, CA, America’s 10^th largest city. Aside from having “more” people, this city has “different” people. We moved from an area that is 90% white/Caucasian, to an area where Caucasian isn’t the majority. And it has been great!!

At the time of our move, my oldest daughter was just entering kindergarten. Her first day of class she was excited to meet new friends, Indians, Chinese Americans, Hispanics, a couple of boys who just moved from Russia (and spoke zero English) etc. For her first year of school, she walked home nearly every day with these 2 young Russian immigrants and watched (and helped) as they learned English. She also experienced their culture and taught me a thing or two.

Our kids are growing up racially colorblind and that is important.

Just this past week my other daughter was talking about the new Annie movie starring Quvenzhané Wallis. She said, “I want to see the new Annie with the brown hair”. Curious, I asked her what the difference between the “new” Annie and the “old” Annie is. Her reply, “hair color”. Even baited with a question like that, a seven-year-old, only sees a difference in hair. I smiled, as I am continually impressed with young people today.

But aside from seeing everyone as equal and important contributing members of a larger society, can diversity make you smarter? I absolutely say “yes”! Here are 3 reasons why I think diversity can affect intelligence:

Exposure to new ideas and ways of thinking. As we interact with different cultures and beliefs we are exposed to news ways to look at the problems we are trying to solve. A variety of stimuli causes your brain to react differently creating new thoughts and seeing solutions in different ways.
Diversity creates friction- but this is a good thing. Studies have been conducted for over 50 years on group cohesiveness and productivity. Studies have revealed both benefits and downsides of diverse teams on performance, but one benefit is that groups with a little friction tend to focus more on objective data and less on subjective opinions… just the facts ma’am. Or as Stephen Covey once said, “strength lies in differences, not similarities”.
Diversity prepares us for the future. It is pretty clear that with the expanding accessibility of the Internet, the ease of travel and the increasingly mobile nature of society that the earth is flattening. Today we experience and are exposed to more cultures than our parents were and our kids will experience a more multicultural world than we do. Exposure, respect and interaction with a diverse group of friends, coworkers and colleagues now prepares our kids for the world as it will be.

There have been may great things about our move to San Jose, but one of the most important has been the ease and opportunity to learn and grow with other cultures. Diversity can make you smarter; indeed it has made all of us smarter.

Question: What can you do to expose your family to more diversity of culture? Leave your comments below or by clicking here.

Do You Have Integrity?