I checked the knot, adjusted my helmet and leaned backward over the 180-foot cliff I was supposed to be rappelling down. The wind whipped through my helmet and made a whistling sound. I leaned back a little bit more and then… froze. I couldn’t do it. I was just too scared. Of what? I can’t even remember. I was 14 years old and this was my very first rappelling adventure.

This past week my 10-year-old daughter asked me what I was afraid of. She added I probably wasn’t afraid of anything. (Such a brave daddy) And it got me thinking, what am I afraid? It’s no longer heights and I love public speaking, I don’t even fear death. So, what am I afraid of?

I have come to the conclusion that there are only 3 things that I truly fear in life. Are they rational fears? Maybe, maybe not.

1. Fear of Success– I spend a lot of time working towards what I define as “success”. I have spent a lifetime studying motivation, sales and business skills. And yet the unknown of success causes many people, including myself to hesitate when faced with an opportunity.

As the Marianne Williamson quote, made famous by Nelson Mandela, states “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?”

But her answer gives us hope “Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine…”

2. Fear of not Succeeding– Similar to the fear above, the fear of not succeeding creates inaction. Sometimes called the fear of failure, embarrassment or humiliation, the desire to avoid looking incompetent or mistaken stops many of us from reaching our full potential. I find it interesting that the dual fears of “success” and “not succeeding” often appear in the same person. The result is that we do not act, we become complacent and we settle. I am not sure which fear is more harmful.
3. Fear of Imagined Pain & Suffering– I have been hurt more times than I could probably count. I have broken ankles and wrists, been stitched head to toe, sat through MRIs, CAT Scans and surgery. I’ve been doctored in some of the nicest facilities in the world and received care in the backyard of a local 3^rd world resident. And yet I have always recovered.

The pain has subsided and my life has gone on. Mostly the memories have faded into great stories to tell at cocktail parties. Nothing in my past has given reality to my imagined fear of pain and suffering and yet I still hesitate before leaping out of airplanes. Maybe it is more sanity than fear? Often many of us are paralyzed by imagined fears. It may not always be pain or suffering, it could be embarrassment or loss.

So, what can we do? Knowing that I suffer from these fears and likely you do too, I thought I would share a few ways (well….11) that we can overcome fears and keep moving in the direction of success- to reach our potential and realize our dreams.

1. Recognize the fear– once you accept that everyone faces uncertainty and “fear” you can begin to strengthen your resolve. Those who have succeeded before you have faced similar challenges, maybe greater challenges than your own.
2. Friends– you cannot do it alone- No one reached the top of Everest by himself, it takes a team, a support network, mentors, and education. Surround yourself with people who can lift you up and give you the skills you need to progress.
3. Kill the negative– If you are like me, most of your fear comes from that crazy little voice in your head. I am much more critical of myself than others are of me. Stop the negative self-talk and replace it with positive. Whether you think you can or think you can’t you are generally right (thanks Zig Ziglar)
4. Visualize the outcome– Many of our fears are the unknown and perceptions of false reality. Take a deep breathe, relax and visualize the outcome. When things go bad they usually aren’t as bad as you thought, when it’s good it’s usually better than you thought. Fill that half glass full.
5. Take control– recognize that the outcome is often in your control. You may not be able to control every aspect, but largely the end result can be affected positively in your favor. Take control and persevere.
6. Be bold– a very successful podcaster friend counseled that “fortune favors the bold” (thanks John Lee Dumas)
7. Celebrate success– even if you fear success, celebrate it. Positively reinforce your success, make it common… make it subconscious.
8. Be curious– Always be looking for new ways to approach a situation or problem. What makes you nervous about one solution may make you confident in another. If you fear public speaking but want to verbally share your message, try a podcast (or you can listen to mine)
9. Enjoy the ride– Life is short and sweet. We have little blessings that pass through our days to give us joy, lift us up and remind us to breathe. This crazy ride called life can produce more excitement and adrenaline than scuba diving with sharks or peering into a live volcano (trust me).
10. What is the worst thing that could happen? Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn… either way you come out ahead. Oh, and remember that bones heal while glory lasts eternally.
11. Start small and grow– the first time I spoke in public it wasn’t in front of 300 guests. Baby steps to success.

Since that first rock-climbing adventure at 14 years old, I have been up and down hundreds of rock faces. I have fallen and recovered and learned to absolutely love the sport. I even proposed to my wife during a climbing adventure. The fear that paralyzed me so many years ago is gone, replaced with other fears and obstacles. But, like the fear of heights, as I continue down my road to success I will triumph and succeed and love every minute of it.

Question: What is holding you back from reaching your potential? Leave your comments below or by clicking here.

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Have you ever been caught with your hand in the proverbial cookie jar? Maybe it wasn’t an intentional act, you lost track of time and didn’t complete an assignment or circumstances were such that before you recognized what was happening a mistake had been made.

How do you react? What if telling the truth meant you would lose your job?

Hopefully it is rare that you have found yourself in a situation where honesty could cost you your job, but I’d be willing to bet that you have found yourself in situations where telling the truth is difficult. The social pressure and desires to not embarrass ourselves (ego) tempt us to fudge the truth a little.

Of course you are not alone. Little kids begin to lie or use deception as young as 6 months old. Maybe you have experienced the pretended laugh or cry to get attention or a result. In a 2002 study by Dr. Robert Feldman, University of Massachusetts) he found that on average people told 2-3 lies in a 10 minute conversation and 60% of people cannot have a 10 minute conversation without lying once. In a separate study research found that only 18%-25% of lies are ever discovered. That means a lot of people are getting away with a lot of untruths. (source of above statistics).

Most of the deceptions we experience, and participate in, are small and generally minimally consequential in the long term, but those are still some pretty scary statistics. So what can we do to be a stand up person even when it is hard? Here are 10 suggestions for overcoming the temptation to lie.
1- Determine that you will be intentional in your avoidance of deceit. The first and most important step is to decide that you will be honest; a firm resolve and commitment to the truth. Draw that line in the sand. If you make the decision ahead of time you will be prepared to respond when opportunities arise.

2- Think about honesty in your quiet time or meditation. You become what you think about. If you put into your mind that you are a truthful person and view yourself in that frame you will act accordingly. Reinforce your commitment. Do not spend time looking for excuses or fashioning deflections, spend time reinforcing your honesty.

3- Recognize your limitations. Knowing your abilities and what you can accomplish, in terms of time and ability, will help you to always deliver on your promises and will reduce the temptation to skirt the truth later.

4- Admit mistakes. We all make mistakes and sometimes exaggerate or fail to be completely honest. When you recognize that you are not being as honest as your expect yourself to be, apologize and admit mistake. It might take a little notch off your ego but will garner you the reputation of integrity – the trait most employers and business partners rate as the most important quality in an employee. Own up to your shortcomings and avoid blaming others.

5- Know what tempts you to compromise integrity. As an alcoholic avoids bars, so should you avoid situations where you are more prone to compromise your integrity. This relates to #3 above, if you know your limits there is less cause to hide shortcomings.

6- Build relationships. the closer you are to the people you work and interact with, the more comfortable you will get with being truthful. If you have a relationship built on shared trust and integrity you will be confident in sharing the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Have respect for the people you interact with.

7- Ask for help. if you feel that you are really struggling with honesty you may need to enlist the support of a mentor or trusted colleague. Someone you can confide in and work through the process of identifying when you are not being truthful and how you can change.

8- Recognize the consequences of dishonesty. Even though most dishonesty is never discovered there are still consequences. Recognizing the possible, potential and likely results of deception will help you to avoid venturing in that direction.

9- Be persistent. The path to being fully honest may be a journey for you. It may even be a long journey. Take it one step at a time and keep moving forward. If you stumble, recognize your mistake, admit it (see #4) and move on. You are not alone but we need you to be a leader for change.

10- Think before you speak. this goes for dirty jokes, inappropriate language and gossip too. If our natural tendency is to exaggerate, blame, deflect or skirt the truth then stop….think….and retry with the truth.

Honesty, as we all know, is the best policy….though not always the easiest. I continuously work on genuine integrity in all my interactions and follow the above 10 suggestions in my own life. I know my weaknesses and try to have the confidence to accept responsibility. Integrity is the trait that makes the difference in success, confidence, friendships and reaching our potential. How honest are you? By the way…..you look great in those jeans.

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