Don’t wait for someone to take you under their wing.

Find a good wing and climb up underneath it. – Frank Bucaro

Mentors and mentorship are a hot topic these days. Everyone talks about the importance of finding and working with someone who has walked the path and had success; someone who knows the pitfalls and can warn you about them. I have been fortunate throughout my life to have many mentors that have been very impactful, setting me on the right course.

But how do you find a mentor? The types of people who make the best mentors are typically very busy. They have achieved a level of expertise and standing in their field because they have put in the time, made the connections and persevered through the difficult times. While they are generous and want to help they are often reluctant to accept a request to be a mentor. This may be because of timing or (maybe most often) it stems from a lack of understanding of what being a mentor entails.

Looking for a mentor is a proactive endeavor. I have never had the experience of a mentor calling me on the phone and offering to guide me down a path. I suppose if you have a really great product or if you have achieved a level of fame, complete with venture funding, a mentor might seek you out, But, for the rest of us, it is our responsibility to find the right mentor. So, how do you do it?

1. Look for people in your industry or with similar interests and create opportunities to interact. Do you go to the same charity events, sit on similar boards, go to the same church or do your kids attend the same schools. Why not?
2. Reach out to experts who write on your interests- one misunderstanding with mentors is that they have to spend a certain amount of consistent time mentoring you. This is not true. A mentor could spend 5 minutes responding to your email. That may be the only interaction that you have with your mentor but that five minutes could be valuable. Many of my mentors have never known the impact they have had on me through their writing or podcasts.
3. Ask for referrals. Talk to people in your industry or to family and friends. Who do they mention as inspiring? Is there someone that consistently comes up in conversation?
4. Workshops and industry conferences- you should try to attend conferences within your target niche. See what other people are saying on your topic of interest. While there you will be inspired and may have opportunities to become acquainted with or listen to experts in your field. Or, you may interact with someone who isn’t an expert yet, but is up and coming. One of these people could make a great mentor.
5. Online- do not overlook the power of an online mentor-mentee relationship. Through various social channels you will encounter people who have walked down the path you are walking and can offer to assist with the learning curve. The web has opened up opportunities to be mentored from places not geographically close to you.

Over the years I have had a very strong relationship with one particular mentor. He is one of the most successful people I have ever met and worked with. We originally crossed paths when I was sent out to do some consulting with him. It turned out he was more of an expert than I was.

Rather than feeling threatened or embarrassed I embraced the opportunity to listen to his suggestions. A couple weeks after that initial meeting I called him up and asked if I could buy him lunch and discuss the topic more. He said “no”; he would buy lunch. Since that day we have met many many times.

As my directions have changed so has our mentoring relationship. We seldom talk about the original topic and he now advises me on life and my new opportunities. That one phone call has changed the way I approach life and I am more successful today because of my mentor. It all started with finding a wing to climb up under and not waiting for the mentorship fairy to come along.

 Question: What has been your experience with mentors/mentees? How do you approach the relationship? Leave your comments below or by clicking here.

How do you get motivated? What is the spark that gets you out of bed and back on track? Are you a stick or carrot person? In many ways you are likely motivated (at least a little bit) by both. Last week we looked at incentive motivation- carrots (click here to read that article). This week we tackle deterrent motivation – sticks.

Now, if you work for someone you probably already have plenty of sticks built in to your job like getting fired, losing a commission or bonus, formal reprimand, bad mark in your permanent file etc. These are all external built in systems to keep you performing. For this article, and my philosophy in general, focuses on internal (self) motivation. Here are 5 ways that we can create motivation and motivate ourselves using disincentives.

Sticks- so you are a stick person

1. Accountability partner- nearly 2 years ago I set up a weekly accountability call with a friend of mine. Each Monday we have had a 30 minute phone call at 8:30am where we share goals, accomplishments, ah-has and areas of improvement. And, each week one of us is “in the hot seat” meaning after the goals and accomplishments/lack of accomplishments are shared we discuss specific challenges/obstacles we are facing at that time and how we can overcome them. A few times I have shared that I started the previous week motivated and excited to conquer the world but then during the week faded and finished less productive. It is at this point my accountability partner holds my feet to the flame and drills down as to why I wasn’t able to accomplish my goals. Knowing that I will have to explain myself at the next checkpoint incentivizes me to finish each goal before the meeting. Do you have an accountability partner who can hold you to your goals and drive accomplishment?

2. Financial fine- I don’t know about you but finances, fines and penalty payments get my attention. A powerful motivator to commit you to your goals is to set up a monetary penalty for missing them. My accountability partner has a weekly $100 fine if he doesn’t make a certain quota of prospecting calls. This is not something instituted by his employer (well… he is self employed so I guess it is “technically”) but rather something he set up because he knows he is motivated by not having to pay that weekly fine. Recently there have been a number of companies and apps set up to facilitate this. One company, Gym-Pact.com, allows you to set a punishment for not going to the gym. You go, no fine, you miss…pay the fine. You can do this for waking up, eating healthy, or pretty much any measurable task that you want to accomplish.

3. Missing a reward- In addition to financial disincentives you can also try removing rewards. Last week I talked about how I set up rewards for accomplishments. If I meet my quota for writing or prospecting calls I get to watch the big game on Saturday or go to Yogurtland. Well this is just the opposite, if I’m planning to go out Friday with my friends but don’t get a project completed, or hit the gym 4 times, or get up each morning at 5am I’m not going out. The desire to not miss the reward can be powerful.

4. Don’t let people down- Social pressure can be a huge motivator. And today, more than ever, there are ways to share your goals and journey with the masses. You can post on social media or the old fashioned way of telling your friends and family in person what you intend to accomplish. There are also a number of new apps that have specifically integrated the social pressure of accomplishing goals with goal tracking. A popular one I recently tried is lift.do. You set daily tasks/goals and then track your progress. Others can join your journey and encourage which builds momentum. The stronger the momentum the less desire you have to let your network down.

5- The bad way you feel- Yuck! I hate the feeling I get when I miss a goal. I am not talking about social pressure or missing a reward, I am purely referring to the feeling I have in my gut when I miss an objective. I can see my potential and I have high expectations for myself and when I miss an opportunity to grow and get closer to my improved self I feel terrible. A few weeks ago I wrote about journaling (read article here). I make sure that when I experience that negative feeling of missing a goal I put it down in my journal and then use it as a motivator to remind me that I don’t want to feel that way again and to avoid that pain (guilt) I buckle down and make sure I don’t miss the objective.

There you have it, 5 ways that we can use the internal “stick” to motivate performance. But, for these to work we have to be committed to following through with the punishments. Remember, these are internal “stick” motivators. No one is going to force you to have an accountability partner, or pay your financial penalty or miss your reward. It is on you to be so committed to your goals that nothing will step in the way. The power of using the above disincentives is to first recognize that you are more motivated by rewards (see last week’s Carrots post) or by the penalties. Once you have figured that out you can implement (some or all of) the motivators discussed above.

One of my favorite quotes, and I think is really applicable here, comes from Christopher McDougall’s book, Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen:

“Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up, it knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve. It doesn’t matter whether you’re the lion or a gazelle-when the sun comes up, you’d better be running.”

Question: Are you motivated like a gazelle (stick) or like a lion (reward)? What do you do to keep yourself motivated and on task? Leave your comments below or by clicking here.

Want to read about incentive motivation click here.

How do you get motivated? What gets you up early in the morning fired with passion and ready to take on the challenges that await? Or, do you find yourself struggling to get going and dreading the day?

We all go through periods in life where motivation can be tough, where the routine gets monotonous and we find ourselves dragging a little. I find that for me, when I am tired I start to get this way and I get distracted and catch myself watching television or hitting the snooze bar a little too often. I think taking a break every so often is important to recharge the batteries but eventually you have to power through the funk and get yourself going again- refocus and recommit to your goals. So how do we do that?

The first step is figuring out if you are a carrot or a stick person. I imagine that you have heard this analogy before. Imagine a work animal that is hooked up to a large load hauling it to town. The owner is in back trying to get the animal moving. He has 2 options; he can whip the animal from behind (the stick) or he can dangle an incentive in front (the carrot). Which is more motivating to the animal to get it going in the right direction?

Well, it really depends on the animal.

The analogy is similar in motivating ourselves. Some are motivated by rewards- bonuses, days off, gold watches etc. Others are motivated by the stick- being fired, not paid, verbal discipline etc. There are plenty of arguments about which is better but ultimately it comes down to each person individually.

What is that spark that we need to get back on the track, out of the bed, and back to accomplishing our goals? In many ways we are all likely motivated (at least a little bit) by both. This week we will look at incentive motivation- carrots. Next week we will tackle punishment motivation- the sticks.

Carrots- so you are a carrot person

I find that very often in my life I am more motivated by the carrot. So what kind of carrots can we set up to drive accomplishment?

1- Rewards- a few years back my wife and I were trying to save some money and get a handle on our expenses. We were brand new homeowners and just waking up to the fact that when you own a home there are more expenses than just that monthly mortgage. So, we had to cut out some our fun discretionary spending and watch each expenditure. To help keep us on track we created a very elaborate spreadsheet to track every penny in-or-out. At the end of every month we reconciled the accounts and if there was anything left we, according to a predetermined formula, put some in savings, some in investments and little bit into personal separate accounts. The personal money could be used for anything we wanted, no questions asked and no judgmental looks. I can buy $150 hockey sticks (my carrot) and she could get anything she wanted books, clothes, exercise equipment (her carrots). It has worked so well we continue to use it today.

2- Sense of accomplishment- sometimes the only carrot you need is the sense of accomplishment you get when you complete a goal or task. That little bit of pride where you can sit back and smile. Like the feeling that you get when you finish a vigorous work out. I do not run often but when I do I have this specific route around my block that I take. When I finish I walk back and forth in front of the house to cool down. I reflect on how good I feel. I did it, I got out and exercised and now I feel great. The next time when I struggle to get off the couch  I think back to how good it felt to accomplish the run and I get out again.

3- Brag board, Facebook, or social recognition- social pats on the back can be incredibly motivating. It would be awkward to pick up the phone and call your friends and say “I just woke up at 5am for the 5th day in a row”. But the social media culture is such that you can pop on with a status update saying the same thing and instantly gets a handful of “likes”; people acknowledging and recognizing your effort.

4- The prize- This is one that I find useful in my life. It is the when…then… motivation. I set a task that I want accomplish and then immediately place a reward for its accomplishment. For example, I love Yogurtland. I think I could skip dinner and eat there every night, which makes it a great motivator. I can easily commit myself to doing something with the reward of getting some yogurt. If I make 30 prospecting calls by Friday I will go to Yogurtland. I also reward myself with movie time, down time or sports. If I know a big game is coming up Saturday night and I want to take the time to sit down (guilt free) and watch, I give myself a goal to “earn” it. Things like writing a chapter in my new book or publishing a podcast episode. If I don’t get it done, guess what I am doing during the big game…..

5- The chain- This idea came from comedian Jerry Seinfeld. He said when you are trying to get into a habit or you have a routine that needs to be maintained, print yourself a 1 page calendar with just the numbers of every day of the month. Start with day one and when you accomplish the task for the day take a colorful marker and draw an “x” over the date. After a few days you have created a chain of x’s that you will not want to break. This can even work for breaking bad habits. The desire to keep that chain going is incentive not to miss a single day. If you do miss a day, you can just start a new chain. I recommend printing a new calendar and starting a new chain so you are not continually visually reminded of stumbles.

6- Your cheering section- My wife is a runner and she loves to enter organized races. I try to bring the family out to watch when I can. We always position ourselves at the end near the finish line and watch the runners come through. There is often a big group, music and food. As runners come around the corner and head “down the stretch” the crowd cheers, people on the inside hold out “high fives” and a photographer catches the moment. As exhausted as the runners are it always puts smile on their faces to see and feel the support. Having a cheering section when you accomplish a goal can be a great incentive.

I happen to be a “carrot” person and can relate to rewards for accomplishment. Next week we will tackle the other side of the analogy- stick people.

Question: What type of rewards motivate you? Leave your comments below or by clicking here.

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